Day Fourteen: Dress Up

6/27/14, 11:59 PM PDT

Fun day today. First went to the public library's Creative Writing Club. I didn't know that today would be the last library CWC meeting for the rest of summer, I feel bad for not being able to make it to the past few meetings because things popped up. But at least I made it to the last one, right? Oh, and I think our CWC teacher, Lisa, got emotional over the fact that this was our last meeting for a few months since I think I saw a few tears come out of her eyes.

Samantha also tagged along for CWC's last meeting, even though this was also her first meeting. She said she was sorry that she didn't know about the club earlier, but I knew she was just in it for the last-meeting glowsticks that we all got for free, courtesy of Lisa.

Were these worth playing with someone's emotions, Samantha?
(via islamicsunrays.com)

Afterwards, Samantha and I went to Yogurtland. Interestingly, we both liked the weird popping pearls as toppings for our yogurt even though they look like roe. That's those weird unreleased fish eggs, by the way.

She came straight from taking her senior pictures, so she didn't have time to change to normal clothes when she got here. So when we decided that we'd be meeting today, we thought "What the hell, let's make eating at Yogurtland a formal event." I brought along dress pants, a vest, a white dress shirt, and a bowtie, which I call my "waiter" outfit.

Artist's rendition of what I looked like today.

I think she said I looked like a penguin. I think that was a compliment, except penguins are also fat, so I don't know... And sure, we got funny looks from the other Yogurtland diners, that was inevitable. But they were just jealous of how spiffy I looked. And I looked damn spiffy. I think.

Afterwards, we walked around the mall. She made me say the words "It's so big" in my best Lumpy Space Princess impression and recorded the results, so now I can't make her mad at all because she has that to blackmail me. She also wanted a recording of me in my "nerdy voice" saying some line about getting crabs that I said at the beach during the CWC banquet, so I gave her that too. The recording, I mean. Not crabs.

I also found out that she's a very strong believer in superstition. I kept saying stuff like "What if one of us gets Alzheimer's?" and "What if a car swerves right and hits us right now?" and RIGHT AFTER those words left my mouth, she looked around desperately for wooden things that she could punch in order to avoid jinxing the situation. She got pretty desperate at one point and knocked on a full-grown tree, which I thought was pretty funny.

All in all, it was a great day, which ended with a few strange looks from drivers while we waited at an intersection for the crosswalk light to change.

RFotD: It's unclear whether the bowtie rose as a variation of the necktie or if it's the other way around. However, both find their origins from Croatian merchants who used scarves wrapped around their necks to hold down the opening of their shirts.

SGAT: None really. But I got to hang out with Samantha for a few hours.

Day Thirteen: Buying Water at Vons Sucks

6/26/14, 5:14 PM PDT

First thing I see at work today was this really pretty halo around the sun. I couldn't take a pic of the entire thing since my phone's camera doesn't go wide enough, but I got most of it.

Pretty pretty.

Anyway, today was relatively uneventful. Wustin and I are cool now, I could tell because he had absolutely no behavior problems today and he even smiled and waved to me when he was getting picked up by his mom. We cast kids into roles/crew positions today. I think I figured out that fifth period is my favorite period though, since they're all so obedient and they all love me for some reason. 

Although fourth period comes a close second. If they were just a little less talkative, they would probably tie with fifth period for being my favorite class. Aaaaaaagh, the kids there are just SO ADORABLE, especially this one little girl that raises her hand every five minutes and asks me how to spell words like "orange" and "shape" and "blue" and it's SO CUTE because she's so timid and she stutters a million times when she tries to say the word she wants me to spell and when I do spell it out for her she just gives me this big ol' toothy grin and AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. They're so adorable, I hope they don't end up becoming drug addicts when they get older.

Sixth period still sucks though. The Jets and the Sharks were back at it again today. Coincidentally, both the Jets and the Sharks had a person named... well, let's call him Laythan. Anyway, in both groups, Laythan is EASILY the person that causes this domino effect of disruption within their groups. Seriously, I think Jets Laythan is WAAAAAAAAY to young to understand the concept of paying attention because the ENTIRE period, he just puts markers into their boxes, spills the markers back onto the table (making this AWFUL racket of clacks as the markers all land on the table), and REPEATS. I had to take away their markers again just so that Mrs. Bartels and I wouldn't go insane from the noise.

After work, talked with Emily a bit. Apparently, she was born in Korea and does a lot of camping. Like, actual wilderness camping. Meanwhile, I told her about my camping experiences at the Kampground of America and she laughed at me because it's not real camping if I had access to a bathroom, a shower, a store, a freaking swimming pool, and if at night, I could head cars drive by on the highway that was literally right next to the campground.

Her idea of camping probably involves hunting and eating
wild marshmallows.
(via spongebob.wikia.com)

After work, walked to the Vons that was near the school. I got thirsty, so I decided to buy one bottle of sparkling water for 79 cents.

I ended up waiting in line for 20 minutes to buy one thing. All because of an argument between a lady and a cashier.

So the lady bought half a million things from Vons, including a few boxes of sodas. She insisted that the sign for those sodas read "Buy one get one free" so she bought four boxes. But for some reason, the cashier didn't recognize the discount. After a good 10 minutes of the cashier and the lady arguing, eventually they figured out that the discount was actually buy two get two free (which, in the end, shouldn't have made a difference since she bought four). Then, after their combined brainpower figured that out, they eventually realized that the discount didn't apply to her because she bought Coke, Sprite, Fanta, and Canada Dry, which isn't a Coke product even though the box for Canada Dry was apparently RIGHT NEXT TO THE BOXES FOR COKE. So they argued for even MORE time and by then, the guy in front of me that was next in line was getting FURIOUS because they were just yelling at each other for upwards of THIRTY MINUTES over a FIVE DOLLAR DISCOUNT.

I eventually moved to a different line. The nice lady that was supposed to be in front of me let me cut her because I only had one item and she had a billion. Paid my 79 cents, drank the sparkling water...

And it tastes like shit.

Worse than sewer water. Hell, it probably is sewer water.

Not worth my 79 cents. And definitely not worth my 30 minute long wait.

Same day, 11:59 PM PDT

I AM SO TIRED. Alright, let me speed through the rest of the day. 

I went to my sister's school for their open house. And you know what I figured out? My sister is winning her class' valedictorian race by a LANDSLIDE. Look at this plebeian "art" that the other kids are making right now.

I don't think Lucas got the memo about the drawings...

Meanwhile, my sister's work?

WOAH. SHADING. TEXTURES. DAMN!

SERIOUSLY. All of her work just WRECKS these other kids. Look at her handwriting...

WHY IS IT BETTER THAN MINE?!

...And her art.

THE DETAIL. THE PRECISION. MAGNIFICO.

Here's a quick reminder of what she's up against.

Oh yeah. Stiff competition, definitely.

My sister's a prodigy, I'm telling you.

RFotD: Michael starts to lose his self-awareness if he stays up past 1:30.

SGAT: Became less socially awkward.

Day Twelve: I Yell at a Small Child

6/25/14, 11:59 PM PDT

Yet another late entry. My bad, I get preoccupied with other things sometimes.

Hmm... what to write about today... OH YEAH. Work. Work... *mutters angrily*

Let me tell you about this one kid in fourth period. For the sake of protecting his identity, I won't write his name here, but let's call him... Wustin.

Wustin is what you get when you expose a kid to a combination of bad parenting, sugar-injected breakfast cereals, and a 16-hour long Freakazoid! marathon on Cartoon Network. If Superman were the personification of order, then Wustin would be his Kryptonite. There are nice, obedient kids, there are kids that are loose cannons, and then there's the unguided, unbalanced, Kerbal-Space-Program-esque nuclear warhead that is Wustin.

The first result for "Wustin" on Google. It's not him,
I just needed a picture for today.
(via schott-music.com)

I hope it doesn't sound like I hate this kid, because I really don't. He just caused me SO MUCH STRESS today. So in the middle of fourth period, I had to take a group of nine kids to a bathroom break, Wustin being included in that group. I follow standard work protocol, I guide the kids to the bathroom, facing them and walking backwards so I can see all of them. Every time we turn a corner, I count the number of kids to make sure I didn't lose any and for the first few corners before the bathrooms, everyone's here.

But the last corner? I'm short one. And guess who it happens to be?

Wustin...
(via memegenerator.net)

So I tell the kids to stay put while I head back to see where Wustin could possibly be. I turn the corner where he went missing, I look to my left...

And he's all the way on the other side of the hallway. And he's still running.

I chase after him. And after a good two-minute run, I finally catch him. But only after he tripped on the ground.

Basically how it went down.
(via beautifulafricanwildanimalspets.blogspot.com)

I bring him back to the bathroom area (where some of the other kids already went while waiting for me, apparently) and I tell him and whoever else didn't go yet to hurry up and go to the bathroom. Wustin walks in, washes his hands, and exits.

I mean it's not like there was a sink in the classroom or anythin-OH WAIT, THERE TOTALLY IS.

When the rest of the kids are done with their business, I guide them all back to the room. Wustin immediately breaks from my group and TAKES OFF. The other kids, feeling inspired by Wustin's sprinting tendencies, ALSO RUN. It doesn't take long before my nice and orderly line becomes a disorganized mess of sprinting and yelling. I'm trying desperately to run after all the kids (who decided to scatter in different directions) and I manage to catch all of them.

All of them... except Wustin. He's EASILY in Oregon by now and by the time I actually catch up to him, he's standing in front of an open classroom (the engineering class), screaming at the poor innocent kids trying to do their work. I pluck him out of the class, apologize for bothering the students...

AND I LAY DOWN THE GODDAMN LAW. I told him if I ever caught him running around again, I would not only send him to the office, but I would personally make sure to call his parents and tell them about how he's been misbehaving. I let him know that I was very unhappy with his behavior, that I graduated in the top of my class in the Navy Seals, and that if he wanted to keep attending the school, then this will not happen ever again.

I think he got the message because he looked down in shame after I mentioned the Navy Seals part. But damn, that was the first time I've ever had to discipline a kid.

Hopefully, it'll also be the last.





RFotD: The fastest speed ever recorded for a cheetah was 70 miles per hour. The fastest speed ever recorded for a Wustin was 2,239 miles per hour.

SGAT: Worked a bit on a poem that Samantha and I are making.

Day Eleven: Chasing After the Bus

6/24/14, 11:59 PM PDT

A little tired again, my bad guys.

Anyway, another day at Gateways. Getting into the swing of things now, so today was INFINITELY better than yesterday. Strange thing though, remember how I said that fifth period was a class full of angels and sixth period sucked because of the goddamn Sharks and the Jets? Well, today, that COMPLETELY reversed. Today we had the kids interview each other, each group switching between being director, cameraman, interviewer on camera, and interviewee on camera. Part of that activity involved the director calling "quiet on the set" so that the other kids would shut up when they needed to.

And for fifth period? The kids would NOT QUIET DOWN. We ended up getting half the class done, which isn't too bad, but we probably could've finished if the kids had stayed quiet.

As for sixth period, I don't know WHAT happened with the Jets and the Sharks today, but they COMPLETELY settled down and both of their groups were AWESOME at doing the activity. I was so happy, they were such a great class today.

Oh, and one of the Jets has this weird little fleshy growth near his ear. I never noticed it until he did his interview, but ever since I noticed it, I can't stop staring at it. It sort of looks like one of Shrek's ears, I kinda wanna flick it to see what'll happen. Will it flap around like a uvula, will it break off and fly away, will it be sturdy like a pole? I don't know.

Parent pick up was waaaaaaaaaaay smoother too. The kids were all gone at around 3:45, which was great.

During parent pick up, I overheard an Asian lady asking some of my fellow TAs if they knew where a student named "Stacey Shi" or something like that was. Of course, none of them knew, myself included when the old lady asked me. She explained that Stacey was part of the after-school program and needed to meet with her immediately. A nearby student overhears us saying this and claims that she saw Stacey enter a bus. A bus that she wasn't supposed to. A but that was currently driving away.

"Yeah, she's on that one, the bus locked at a speed of 50 miles an hour."
(via sfgate.com)

Since I happened to be the TA she was talking to, she talks to me saying that she'll probably arrange something with the bus owners to drive Stacey back.

Just kidding. She told me to run after it. So I did. I effing sprinted after it. And even though that car was already driving away, I MADE IT.

How my conversation with the bus driver went down.
(via Cyanide and Happiness)

He didn't have a Stacey Shi on board though, so I walked back to the old lady. After receiving high fives from the other TAs and questions on whether I was in track or not (no kidding, they seriously asked me that question), I talked to the old lady. She ask me:

"So Stephen Siu wasn't on that bus?"

Stephen Siu. I (and the other TAs) heard Stacey. I asked for Stacey from the bus driver. He said no Stacey on board.

...Shit.

OH, and I finally got the name of my friend from yesterday. She's Emily. No idea what the last name is, but that's fine. Met a few other people too. Robert (a white dude that's kinda awkward but good at his job since he keeps the rowdy kids in line), Whitney (not the Pokémon gym leader), Young Woo (a super cool guy that knows everyone on campus), and Erin (a quiet Asian TA).

Wow, I might actually make a few friends here, huh?

Oh, and senior photos happened today, but nothing super interesting popped up. Saw Austin and Danielle there, that's about it. Shoutouts to them.

RFotD: Michael is too tired to research right now.

SGAT: Became a little less socially awkward.

Day Ten: The First Day of Work

6/23/14, 4:53 PM PDT

Today was my first day of working as a TA at Gateways Summer School, located in the Jewish Academy.

As soon as I stepped on campus, I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do. I figured out that I was supposed to head to the main office to clock in and pick up an apron, a name tag, a roll sheet, and a sign that had my class' name on it. But the guy that manages us was pretty stressed out and kinda intimidating (even though he looks exactly like Grant Imahara from Mythbusters), so I didn't wanna ask him anything after he told me what I was supposed to do.

My supervisor.
(via smartplanet.com)

Clueless, armed with an NES bag, a sign that says "Movies," and a campus map, I decided to head out, with absolutely no idea what to do.

Thankfully, I ran into a girl who, although was just as clueless as I was, ended up being helpful because she was friends with a few TAs that actually knew what they were doing. So I decided to stick with her and her group so that I won't get fired on the first day. We made some light conversation, so I guess I made a friend here? I never caught her name, but I'll probably ask her tomorrow.

Anyway, I figured out that the first part of my job was supervision at the playground during lunch. And BOY, was that playground PACKED. Seriously, the density was probably 10 kids per square meter, it was CRAZY. At one point, I saw the janitorial golf cart trying to make it through these kids and holy CRAP, I have never seen something so nerve-wracking in all my life. There were kids sitting on the ground eating and I shit you not, his wheels were INCHES away from these kids' fingers and toes. It was incredible how accurate this guy's driving was. He didn't even honk once, he just navigated through this massive mosh pit of kids as if his car was the tweezer in the most complicated game of Operation ever.

"Whoops, crushed another six year old's hand. Minus 20 points."
(via craziestgadgets.com)

(Samantha, if you're reading this, you might wanna stop reading now since this part is probably gonna be funnier to tell in person)

When lunch ended, the real work began. Went to the room of the teacher I'd be helping out for the next three weeks (who, coincidentally, was Mrs. Bartels, imagine that). The way the summer school works is that the day is divided into six periods. Since I'm working the PM shift, I only have to take care of the last three periods, but since I'm a primary aide (I'm working with 1st and 2nd graders), those periods involve me walking them all to their next class during their 10-minute passing period. More on that later.

So fourth period, the kids were all great except for this one REALLY talkative Asian kid that kept interrupting Mrs. Bartels whenever she talked. And even though it was pretty obvious that Mrs. Bartels got a little annoyed at him, it was pretty clear that the kid knew his stuff because all of his responses to her questions were correct (albeit blurted out, but a correct answer is a correct answer).

Fifth period? My god, fifth period is my FAVORITE. They're all quiet, adorable little angels and those kids freaking LOVE me for some reason. When I had to walk them to their next class, a bunch of them just suddenly hugged me (or at least, hugged my knees because that's the tallest part of me that their tiny arms could reach) for no reason. While walking backwards to watch all of the kids, I accidentally ran into a sign that I didn't see behind me and they all laughed and it was SO CUTE. After I hit that sign, one of them told me in their tiny, high pitched voice, "You're funny, mister," and dear god, my heart just melted right then and there.

Sixth period. Wait, more like six six sixth period, because that period has some of Satan's spawn in there. There's not one, but two groups of friends that would rather talk and swordfight with markers than pay attention to the lesson. One of the groups (henceforth named "The Jets") made a goddamn TEN-MARKER-LONG SWORD and thought it was a good idea to whack the kid next to him with it. I broke that shit up, but apparently that inspired the other rowdy group (henceforth named "The Sharks") to make their own marker swords. So I break that shit up, but as I was disciplining them, The Jets changed their focus from weapon development to civil engineering because they start making the fucking Golden Gate of all marker bridges to connect their table with the one in the very corner of the class. So I Pacific Rim'd that bridge right in half and guess what happens?

The fucking Sharks decide to run around the classroom, drawing shit each other's arms whenever they pass each other.

The Sharks, rocking their battle scars.
(via jonandlaura.blogspot.com)

In the end, Mrs. Bartels steps in and puts and end to their crap. I take away the Sharks' markers since they were waaaay rowdier than the Jets. Unfortunately, a little girl that came in late got stuck in the same table as the other three Sharks, so when that table lost marker privileges, the girl complained that it wasn't fair because she didn't do anything. I felt bad for her, so I snuck her three markers so she could at least prettify her notebook a little.

It doesn't end there. Ten minutes before class ends, some punk kid raises his hand and asks if he could go to the bathroom. So of course, I walk him to the bathroom (which, apparently, is effing THIRTY LIGHT YEARS AWAY SINCE IT TOOK US A DECADE TO WALK THERE) and what's he decide to do?

He takes a 15 minute shit. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I TIMED IT. He made me late for the last, most stressful part of my day: parent pick up.

So since I was five minutes late for returning to my class, I didn't get to catch the parents that picked up their kids right outside of the classroom, which means my final count for kids got all skewed, but that's not that big of a problem. Oh no, you know what the biggest problem is? The fact that I have to watch 15 kids that I've literally just met and make sure that each and every one of them gets picked up by their parents.

Not so bad, right? Except there's only ONE pick up area. And there's EASILY over 14.5 billion kids all crammed in this area.

"I found the wizard, but WHERE THE HELL ARE MY 15 KIDS?"
(via survivinggrady.com)

And it didn't help that every 5 minutes, someone would ask me a question. Swear to god, my kids are NINJAS. Seriously, I could resolve a question in thirty seconds tops, but in those thirty seconds that I'm not paying 100% attention to my kids, HALF OF THEM DISAPPEAR.

Eventually, all of the kids got picked up. But not after an hour of waiting and a light scolding from Grant Imahara to all of the TAs.

That was super stressful.

RFotD: "Where's Waldo" is called "Where's Wally" in every other country except for the US and Canada. And also I'm really tired.

SGAT: Was too tired to write anything.

Day Nine: That Goddamn World Cup Game

6/22/14, 11:59 PM PDT

Suuuuuuuuuuuper late entry, my bad. Alright, let's see, what happened today...

OH. I'll tell you what happened today. THAT EFFING WORLD CUP GAME, US VS PORTUGAL. Specifically, I'm talking about this moment right here.

(via thebiglead.com)

(via thebiglead.com)

DID YOU SEE THAT? Literally the last few seconds of the game, US is in the lead 2-1 and what happens? Effing THAT. AAAAAAAAGH, we could've made it to the top 16. Dad practically SCREAMED and mom's jaw didn't just drop on the floor, it detached from her mouth and plunged to its death.

Freaking World Cup, stressing me out.

Oh, and Mango won MLG, that's pretty cool too.

God, I'm really tired. Sorry if today's entry kinda sucks, but other than this World Cup game and writing, nothing really happened.





RFotD: The most goals ever scored in a single World Cup match by one team was 10. Hungary scored 10 goals to El Salvador's 1 during the 1982 World Cup.

SGAT: Got a big ol' chunk of my story done.