Day Forty-Seven: A Very Large, Green Area

8/1/15, 11:23 PM CET9

Today, we visited the very large and very expansive Englischer Garten (English Park). In the hierarchy of large urban parks we've seen on this blog so far, English Park would EASILY be the biggest one. It is MASSIVE. To put this in perspective, a football field is roughly half a hectare. The previous park we visited, Vondelpark, was 47 hectares. Central park is 341 hectares.

English Park is 370 hectares. YEAH. IT'S HUGE.

The first thing we saw when we walked into it was this beautiful, large river running through the park.

Germany? Or Port Sarim?

To different people, that river meant different things. To an artist, it's a source of inspiration to paint or draw. To a child, a thing of curiosity, a thing to be played in. To a couple, probably a place to make out next to.

But for my sister and I, it was a beast that had to be conquered. And conquer we did. So we made rafts out of sticks and dead grass.

Here's my design. I figured since the design was used frequently in the Philippines and relatively easy to build, it would float well.

Looks good enough to explore the Congo river and look for Mr. Kurtz, huh?

Not to be outdone, my sister designed and built a canoe.

I ca-knew she could do it! HAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!

And together, we sailed the open sea. In the beginning, it was pretty difficult to separate our ships from the riverbank once we put it in the water since the current tended to push the boats to the river's edge as opposed to away from it. But once we got away from it, we went FAR. In fact, we made it all the way to the end of the navigable river. The last we saw of it was this video:

Bon voyage, stick boats. Wherever you may be.



There was also a really beautiful Chinese pagoda in the garden.

Yeah, a Chinese pagoda in English Park, located in Germany. I don't know man.

Everyone and their mother was at this pagoda because in Germany, today is the first day of summer vacation. And this Chinese pagoda had an AWESOME food area, so it was a FEAST here. I ordered bratwurst and traditional country potatoes, and both of them were very good. The country potatoes had a bit of a kick to them because they had a TON of garlic and butter slapped on them, though.

The bratwurst, I could only describe as an improved hot dog. It tastes nearly identical to a plain old ballpark hot dog, but somehow it's... more. It tastes better here for some reason. Maybe it's the copious amounts of German beer particles in the atmosphere.



Later, we went boating! The river I mentioned earlier drained into this big blue lake:

Strangely absent though, were bears living in equally large, equally blue houses.

And we decided to go pedal boating! In the 30 minutes of mayhem we had in the water, we tried to run over several fowls, including swans, ducks, and geese. We didn't succeed though, although we did manage to almost run over a swan that had its butt straight up in the air while it was diving for food, which I thought was kinda cute.

Sorry I didn't get many pictures today, I was too busy doing things that I forgot to take pictures for the blog, haha. But I did get this one family selfie, so take it, you needy, needy people.

No, I'm not wearing mascara, I swear.

RFotD: I parallel parked our boat like a goddamn champion today. I'm so proud.

Day Forty-Six: Cinderella Castle IRL

7/31/15, 11:59 PM CET

Remember Ludwig from yesterday? Apparently he's the real life equivalent of Cinderella.

Bippity Boppity Boo, bitches.

Yes, the palace we saw the day before was impressive. But he built TWO MORE, and one in particular, Neuschwanstein Castle, happened to be so magnificent that a Mr. Walt Disney, upon seeing it during a visit in Germany, decided it would be perfect to house a certain blue-dressed princess.

You can really see the resemblance from the front...

You can almost imagine the Tinkerbell farts flying over it.

Yes, Joby did enjoy it.

...But not so much from the side.

Looks like Cinderella kinda let herself and her castle go...

We toured the other two castles that Ludwig II built, but since no pictures were allowed inside either castle, I only got exteriors. I know, it's pretty lame.

This was in a different castle. Not Cinderella related, but another of
Ludwig's crazy builds.

Cinderella? Or Castlevania? BOOM.

Oh and outside of Cinderella's castle, we found this guy, who played a weird traditional instrument called a "Hurdy-Gurdy. I very much so liked it, so I recorded two of his songs for your listening pleasure.

RFotD: The Hurdy Gurdy man's name was Kay.

Day Forty-Five: It's Not Passing Fascination Now

7/30/15, 12:23 PM CET

Continuing with the theme of ridiculous wealth and immense political influence, let me introduce you to King Ludwig II.

Doesn't look like he gets beat often by vans. Hah.
Get it? Ludwig? Van Beat Often? HAAH.

Reclusive and eccentric, his personality can largely be boiled down to two concepts. One, he hated being with other people. And two, he had an obsession with anything medieval.

He was basically the Absolutist equivalent of a Weeaboo. But god damn, did he love in a fancy basement.

Holy

Cannoli.

His backyard stretched for MILES. The walk there took a good hour to make and we were walking at a pretty fast pace. But damn was it beautiful.

I love the reflection in this picture.

They had a gondolier, but at 30 Euros a person for a lake with no sights,
it was not worth it.

An infinite forest path.

Again with the fountains and the buildings!

He also had an entire hiking trail in his backyard, right next to a lake, which was also beautiful but wasn't as beautiful as the main palace because it had 500% more bees. Nevertheless, I took some pictures too.

Where are we goin? clap clap clap

All we need is Tom Hanks sitting on that bench holding a box of chocolates
and we got a pretty good movie poster!

We also found this really cool temple-looking thing there!

I don't know what it is, or what it's supposed to be...

But I love it.

Seeing this cool thing in the middle of nowhere gave us an idea for the Annual Badass Family Picture.

"Yeah, don't mind Jimmy "Green Shirt" over there. He's real shy."

Followed immediately after by the less-badass parental units picture.

Aww.

Later, we visited the famous Allianz museum, home of the FC Bayern football team. Even though I have no idea who that team is, we visited it just because the stadium is very pretty.

It looks like a golf ball. But it's a football stadium??

Whatever, Joby doesn't really care, it looks cool.

A mildly artistic shot I got. With my iPhone too, look at that.

Considering it is the headquarters of the football team, they of course had a store selling their merchandise, which we visited.

"They advertise the fact that their football team eats?"

Okay, I know that when you're a fan, it's normal to own some merchandise that shows your "fan allegiance." I myself am guilty of that too, with my Smash Bros shirts, my movie posters, and the scale bust of Taylor Swift that I carved out of marble in 8th grade art class. But some of the things they sell on here border on insanity.

They have dog bowls...

Chemicals in the FC Bayern logo actually make the water taste like the
team's collective sweat.

Gummy bears...

There's also some FC Bayern ketchup in the corner to go
with your gummy bears and your obsession.

Monopoly...

Instead of buying properties, I believe you pay FIFA officials off for World
Cup benefits. Ooooh.

Goddamn toasters...

It actually places carcinogens in your bread in the team letters!

And this thing.

I'm surprised they fit an entire mildly muscular white guy into this bag.

I think it's a couch cover that replicates the Allianz Stadium seats, which is RIDICULOUS. Firstly, it's just a glorified blanket, and secondly, it absolutely does not accurately reflect stadium seats because it doesn't come with spilt beer stains, underseat gum wads, and a greasy residue resulting from the collective blood sweat and tears of every person who has been on that exact seat.

But hey, everyone needs a hobby.


Speaking of hobbies, I think I'll pick up a new one during my time in Germany: bottle collection.

They have this AWESOME machine in Haupbahnhof (Central Station) that gives you vouchers for money when you give them recyclable bottles! Look at it:

I love it so much.





RFotD: Each bottle gives you 0.25 Euros. EACH BOTTLE.

Day Forty-Four: A Dancing Duck

7/29/15, 8:29 PM CET

If you had unlimited wealth and power, what would you do? If you answered something like "help the needy" or "save it for a rainy day," you'd be choosing the most logical answer. It's also the more boring answer, in my opinion.

It's a good thing that the German royalty weren't either of those things, because with their endless influence and resources, they created GIANT FUCKING HOUSES.

I mean they were quite large, not that they were literally big brothels.

Welcome to the Residenz Munich, where Germany's royalty lived from 1385 all the way up to 1918 With an area approximately nine billion square meters and over five thousand rooms to get lost in, the Residenz is designed to ensure that German royalty never has to endure stepping on poor, non-marble peasant ground ever again.

But now that it's a museum, it is the peasants that get exclusive access to the palace. And we peasants had fun.

If by "fun" you mean "pretended we had this amount of wealth, then yes.

Joby certainly liked it too.

Silverware, except it's gold. So it's... goldware?

"Everybody say 'M.C. Escher!"

"Oh fox, you so silly."

Afterwards, we went to a traditional German restaurant, traditional because all of the waiters wore lederhosen!

This is from Google Images since I didn't get
any pics of them, but it was basically like this.

Continuing with the traditional German environment, we decided to order another German Classic: the Apple strudel.

Just wait, in a few years, they'll come out with an Apple Strudel 2S or something.

My previous experiences with Apple strudel consisted only of the rectangular, vaguely-breadlike shit that Pillsbury expects you to shove in a toaster, which meant that I came into this dessert with low expectations. But much like the cannibalistic version of Sleeping Beauty, when I took my first bite, I fell in love.


Another famous thing that the Germans have is this giant mechanical clock they have on a building called the "Glockinspiel." Today, the Glockinspiel had a performance at 11 AM, noon, and 5 PM, and we were lucky enough to not only catch the 5 PM show, but we had a pretty good view.

So I filmed the whole thing.

Yeah, it wasn't exactly Cirque du Soleil. But then again, it is pretty impressive considering the size of those figurines, the fact that the thing is autonomous, and the fact that it was made A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

But this thing, however, was probably made this year. And it is infinitely more impressive.

RFotD: I believe the thing dancing in the video above is a "Wolpertinger."

Day Forty-Three: Olympic Park And Fishy Jokes

7/28/15, 9:29 PM CET

Munich hosted the Olympics in 1972. In preparation for the event, they built a huge, beautifully-designed Olympic stadium, a park, and a giant tower specifically for the event.

But now that the 1972 Olympics are over, it has now essentially turned into an amusement park.

Still, it looks incredible.

The stadium, I mean, not the cheap-looking amusement park rides.

It's still a very pretty park though. One of the highlights was this Olympic tower that they had that didn't really serve much of a purpose other than a pretty viewpoint or a place for an Assassin to leap off.

This isn't the tower, this is actually
a leak for Assassin's Creed 8: Combine.

Look at the view!

BMW Museum.

The actual interior of the Olympic Stadium.

I had to dangle my camera off the edge for this photo, so APPRECIATE IT.

Joby had some fun too.

He got a bit tired from the climb.

So I helped him sightsee. And yes, I treat him like a human being.

Monkey see, monkey like.

So there's only one way up to this tower, and that's by elevator, which is a bit dangerous because in the case of a fire that makes the electricity fail, we all would be dead, right?

Wrong. They have a giant slide installed on the side of the building. And when it isn't burning down, they let tourists slide down it. So you know what? WE DID.

Amazingly, all of our hairdos stayed intact
from the crazy fast speeds we felt.

Oh and they had a VERY pretty aquarium in there. It was the Sea Life in Munich, and for you San Diegans reading my blog, you might also recognize that there's a Sea Life in Legoland and yes, it's the same thing. Legoland operates this one too, and since my parents already saw the Sea Life in San Diego, they decided it would be best if just my sister and I went.

So we did. And with no parents to limit us, we went crazy.

We saw some pretty (underwater) rooms they had, which were AWESOME.

It just blue Joby's mind to sea this. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

But I think the highlight of the aquarium trip was these videos that my sister and I made.

First, we tried to communicate with fish.They didn't seem to like it very much though.

And then we saw the eels. Which meant...

Later on, we did some light sightseeing, mostly taking a look at this pretty garden.

What'd I tell you about fountains and the leftmost third?

Flowers also make things a little prettier.

And we saw STREET PERFORMERS. These guys apparently are on your across Europe and they were great becaus they had cute little choreographed movements with their songs.

And they also had a monkey playing the cymbals!

They were very surprised to see each other.

RFotD: It's 1 AM right now and I am very sleepy.