Day Eleven: A Very Bazaar Day

6/26/15, 11:20 PM PDT

So I checked the weather today. And it was nice. Lots of sun, but not too hot. As far as SoCal's concerned, it was pretty fair.

Hah. Get it? Because we're going to the fair today??

I'm sorry for the double puns. So sorry. But yes, today is my friend group's third annual summer faire trip. But we don't have Brandon this year, so in his place will be Gwendolyn. Oh and Sam's jumping in too, since she hasn't been here for over seven years.

So anyway, in the beginning of our day, we decided to do some light sightseeing. We decided to rip off our faces and paste them onto cartoon animals to see what we'd look like if we were born beautiful.

Kayla and Angela messed up the face-pasting process and accidentally brought their shoulders along for the ride.

"Oh you, mom!" -Angela
(via Christina)

I, on the other hand, face-swapped perfectly. And I was pretty content with myself until I realized that the new body I had only has one really large nipple.

And an outie belly button, but that's not as bad.
(via Christina)

We also managed to find a one-man band. Sam, Kayla, and Gwen all bought signed pictures of him for a dollar. I thought it was a pretty stupid purchase until I actually saw the picture. Now I kinda regret not getting it.

Who wouldn't want a picture of a mustachioed man
firing sparks into the sky while wishing you to be cool?

Afterwards, we went on the rides. We started off pretty tame with Crazy Mouse, but we spiced it up by setting up a little wager. The Crazy Mouse is one of the few rides that takes reaction pictures of you when you go on it, so we bet that whoever couldn't make a neutral face when the picture is taken would have to get a design chosen by everyone else painted onto their face.

Sam lost that bet. Or maybe she didn't and we just rigged it by preventing her from seeing the picture. Either way, her face vandalism painting will come later.

We rode a LOT of rides. So much so that we actually got Sam to be PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of riding any more rides. But I think the absolute highlight was going on this guy:

It was so tall that it couldn't fit in one picture.

So I had to put it in two, with a postage stamp of Angela
in the lower right corner.

That ride is INSANE. It spins in a HUGE radius, so even though it's a ridiculous height, it's actually a REALLY smooth drop. Smooth but fast. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like... a bowling ball sliding through a really long tube covered in butter, I think that's the best comparison I have.

It probably didn't help much, so instead, take this video of Gwen and I screaming like little children on the ride.

We also won a few prizes from the game booth places. Technically, we didn't really win it since we only played the racing games where you compete against other people, and we rigged it so that we were the only ones playing. But a win is a win, and when the prize is an adorable little BMO, I'm glad I shelled out 15 dollars for it.

If you look carefully, you can almost see my wallet
killing itself in its eyes.

Angela got a little something something too, thanks to the collective efforts of the entire group, and ESPECIALLY thanks to Christina's sharpshooting skills. We won this behemoth of a dog in that water racing game where everyone got a prize for participating and every single time Christina played, she won. Because of that, we managed to swap in 25 dollars worth of stuffed animals for this guy:

She named it "Vezpoochy." And shortly after, she
performed a suplex on poor Vezpoochy.

Before we left the games/rides area to go eat more food, we were approached by a sketchy old man with a deep, gravely voice and a look in his eye that radiates psychopathy. Normally, you wouldn't listen to such people, because nine times out of ten you'll end up in a shallow grave next to the I5. But he said the magic words, the words that would immediately disable Gwen's firewalls and hit her right where she's vulnerable. He said...

"Hey, I need two people to ride Speed for free."

Speed was Gwen's favorite ride, so she effing LEGGED it. She made it to her seat and strapped herself in before he finished saying the word "free." Swear to god, she broke the sound barrier in that 100 meter sprint to the chair.

No one else was willing to ride the giant, towering thing, so I decided to hop in and ride the thing AGAIN.

Angela and Christina got some pretty great pictures of us on the ride. I especially like these three, which I think tell a story.

In the words of the wise Christina, here is the story I titled "Ephemeral in Nine Words."

"Here they come."
(via Christina)

"Now they here."
(via Christina)

"They are gone."
(via Christina)

Beautiful, isn't it? Who would have thought nine simple words would have such a profound effect on its readers? Nine words, all carefully chosen, that convey the happiness, sadness, and inevitable end to every friendship, every relationship, every single event that one will encounter in their entire life and even encompasses the entirety of one's own life. Truly a literary masterpiece.

One of the exhibits we visited was a rock display. Which yeah, sounds boring, until you actually look at some of the really creative stuff they have, especially their stone food display. They made a bunch of food-looking stuff entirely out of rocks and I LOVED IT. I'm especially impressed by the grapes.

I don't believe that these things are capable of wrath.

Take a look at it zoomed in, every single grape is made out of a rock.

This thing must have been a chore to make. Hahahah... ahhhh.

They also had the world's saddest frog for sale too.

When you realize that your entire life is worth three
bucks, you'd be pretty depressed too.

And if you recall from our banquet this year, then you'll realize that WE FOUND OUR LORD AND SAVIOR AGAIN.

HE HAS ASCENDED.

So anyway, rocks aside, remember the little bet that Sam lost about halfway up? Yeah, this is the part where we plaster her head with whatever designs the rest of us choose to put on her mug.

She went from this:

Beautiful.

To this:

Even MORE beautiful.

The face painting artist really didn't have to do much, honestly. In fact, she didn't even have paint on her. We paid her nine dollars to basically erase the thick layer of foundation on Sam's face. The pink, purple and black hairs on her head are all natural, and the blue sparkles are just really bad acne.

She doesn't like to show other people her true colors (pun not intended). I mean the first time I saw it I was actually pretty surprised. Not disgusted surprised, but happy surprised. Like when a kid opens a present and sees a box from Macy's, immediately believes that he got clothes for Christmas, but then when he actually opens the box, finds a dead puppy because his dad forgot to put air holes in it.

Yeah. I'd still date her even if she had that much hair. I mean she does already, and I've kinda grown attached to it.



The rest of the day consisted of us roaming the fair and looking at cool stuff. We went to more of the exhibits and took more pictures of ourselves.

Here we see Angela doing what her ancestors have been doing for thousands of years.

"Vezpoochy gon' taste real vezgucci when I'm done with 'em."

And we found the sign that I'm gonna hold in my children's room if I ever meet a woman unfortunate enough to be stuck with my mini-me's.

Well, when you call it "domestic abuse," of course
it's gonna sound bad...

We also found Kayla's ancestors.

Her legs are twigs. This thing is literally a twig.
ANCESTRY CONFIRMED.

We found a wild valedictorian too.

Too busy taking a Snapchat of a blooming onion to notice that our
blooming friendship is now shriveling up.

Not to be outdone, I also have a pic of something brown, circular, and delicious to post.

It's a funnel cake, you pervert.

I also found the best license plate EVER.

This thing got me at least eight likes on UCLA Social, hah.

And we rode the gondola too. The rest of the group isolated Sam and I to our own gondola because of our gross, disgusting, lovey-dovey nature, so have this selfie of us.

Thank you, SCOTUS, for making our relationship
valid at last.

I got a picture from the gondola...

But Angela took another one that just TOTALLY shit all over my picture so I'll leave it right here.

Then again, she did use a filter, which might have been the deal sealer.

To end the day, we took the obligatory group pic. As always, here's the past years we went...

Year one...

Year two...

And here's this year. Somewhere along the line, Christina and I switched and Brandon turned into a woman. All of which were better improvements prior to the last years.

Also notice how our arms have gotten progressively closer to each other.
It symbolizes our friendship.

See you later fair. Thanks for a great three years, hopefully we can get the entire group along together in the future for more annual trips.

"You're welcome, Michael." - Balboa Park tower.

RFotD: Every time I fall behind on my blog entries, a small demon comes out of my vent and slaps me with a spoon until I get a bruise. It's the worst thing, I swear to god.